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KRIS ALLEN!! :D

姜小朵。 — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 03:02:00 GMT

对电影《市政厅》的一句话影评

姜小朵。 — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 01:00:33 GMT

大叔我要嫁给你。

Whatever, whatever.

姜小朵。 — Sat, 02 Aug 2008 23:28:00 GMT

I don't even care...

Fuck Adrienne,

this time I mean it.

The first. The ever.

姜小朵。 — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 22:53:00 GMT

Today is the first day Adrienne got back today. Didn't turn out so well. I'm kind of mad at her actually.

Gay Pat walked out on us today, which is DEFINITELY a good thing considering how annoying and how extremely gay he is! I hope he doesn't come back, and that Adrienne doesn't re-hire him if he does.

So Neil and I were stuck there working our asses off all by ourselves. 9 and a half hours for him and one hour less for me. This girl Danielle was supposed to come in at 4 but she never showed up so I had to keep working till this guy Steph (fuck-ever you spell that), who was kind of cute actually but BAD, definitely BAD.. lol

Adrienne and I never got to talk or anything cuz she was busy calling people and doing interviews today. 7 people were hired today including SAMM!!! YAY!!! She will be coming to work tomorrow at 9, same as me, to watch those stupid boring videos. But yeah, back to Adrienne, I don't think I feel as strong about her as I did before her holidays.. It's weird cuz I expected so much more from both myself and from her.. But.. I guess nothing's gonna happen now and I'm just sooo not ***.

Well gotta say I'm glad for that!

lol

Saturday.

姜小朵。 — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 02:00:00 GMT

It's Saturday. The end of Saturday to be exact. I'm so tired.

Working 2 jobs turns out to be a lot harder than I thought. I really, really don't want to quit on Anke and Tony, they've just been so kind to me that I know for sure that I will feel completely guilty if I quit the job. I hope I don't have to. I hope I can make it.

Brooke's coming back on Monday. So is Adrienne. I'm excited about Brooke's return cuz I finally don't have to go see movies alone. But I'm not sure what I feel about Adrienne coming back. It's complicated. Half nervous and half excited I guess. I hope things are easier for me. I even hope that she would be harsh on me so I could hate her and everything would be crystal clear. But I'm such a big, fat lier. I hope she loves me. I hope she missed me. Even just a bit.

I saw JJ today. He seems to be wandering around every time I go out, which kind of is a threat cuz I'm not sure if I can trust him or be friends with him. I guess he's nice in a way, but I just don't know him. I think I'm really protective and sensitive. Maybe even too protective and sensitive. Whatever, everything will be fine. Yes.

Good night. I'm so tired.

27

姜小朵。 — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 00:52:00 GMT

Shoot me. Shoot me right now.

Cuz my head is gonna blow itself up anyway.

All night last night, I was wondering and guessing how old Adrienne is, and my most positive thought was at least, I mean at least twice of my age, which is 32. And I thought I was just completely shitting myself cuz the truth is, I thought she looked WAY older than 32. But guess what I found out from Denise this morning, Adrienne is only 27!! AHHAHHH!!

That's crazy. I know.

But it's a good thing. That's only 11 years older than me.

Guess what else I found out today. That Rob or Bob guy just recently got fired for dating Katie, this other manager at BK. Apparently Denise caught them doing stuff in the garbage room (Jesus Christ what were the thinking), so Denise reported them cuz dating with a coworker is absolutely forbidden. and that made me think. As a manager, would Adrienne break that kind of rule? for me? for her? for us? Haha, funny, but I don't think so. Although, god, that would be totally COOL and ROMANTIC...

Now I'm upset.

Blank

姜小朵。 — Sun, 20 Jul 2008 00:47:00 GMT

I think it's weird, how sometimes Adrienne's face just pops up in my head and wouldn't go away, whereas other times no matter how hard I try, I just can't seem to remember anything about her features, nothing. It bothers me a lot.

I can't quite make out the feelings I have when her image pops up in my head. Is it panic? anger? disturbance? or maybe even longing? I don't know. And I don't know if I want to know. How can this happen to me. Again and again and again...

I'm not worried about how long things are going to stay this way, cuz I know sooner or later she's gonna disappear in my head and I'm gonna get over whatever it is that I'm going through. But what I'm worried about is why I'm feeling what I'm feeling, and how it all happened. I mean it was just so quick, I've only been working at BK for like 2 weeks maybe? and most of those times she wasn't even there! This is SO FUCKING confusing! It would make things so much better and make me feel so much better if I can just have an explanation about this shit I got myself into.

Is this the first time? No. With a girl? No. With a woman? Yes. And that, is disturbing.

I just hope I'm not a freak.

Attention

姜小朵。 — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 00:54:00 GMT

I'm not sure how this word got stuck in my head, but as I was thinking about how I've been paying so much attention to Adrienne and how hard I've tried to grab her attention, I realized that maybe all this, all the messy and disturbing feelings that's been confusing me a great deal, is maybe simply about Attention. !!

I mean, I like attention, I need attention, and once I get it, I'm obsessed. I mean, that's me, right? Adrienne obviously likes me, as a staff and a person I guess, and I really enjoy being liked. And she's just such a fun person to be with, although sometimes it's hard to figure out her feelings and moods, but overall I consider her a wonderful person. She's... well, I think I'm short on adjectives... From the obvious, she's funny, easygoing, and when she means business she really is serious, like that handshake, or handsqueez more exactly, she gave me, holy fuck it's even firmer than a man's handshake. And then I think she's pretty cute, a bit tough looking but once you get to know her she's really everything but tough, if you know her pretty good that is, cuz I was totally intimidated by her when I had my first interview. To sum it all up, I think the one thing that I like about her the most is the fact that she likes me. Shamelessly speaking, I KNOW she likes me. Which is great.

And since I've got all that attention from her, I've been in turn paying her a great deal of attention as well. Out of curiosity and what not. And I've made observations: She loves thunderstorm, hates schedules, has really nice nails that she obviously takes great care of. She's married, has twin girls, travels a lot, gets stopped a lot for speeding, and she swears, like A LOT. She doesn't wear a lot of makeup, her hair really suits her, she smokes, not a lot I don't think, and I think that's about it. Some of these are observations I've made from, you know, all the attention I've paying her, but most of them are from the conversations we had. So actually, I'm not really obsessed with her, which I think makes sense cuz I don't have any kind of sexual sensations about her, well, I wanted to hug her a few times and maybe kiss her once, but that's just nothing... um... sexual, right?

So yeah what I'm trying to say, or trying to convince myself is that the fact I'm not ***, and I'm not having feelings for her that I shouldn't have. I really just like her, as a person, a friend, and that's that!!

Woooof, what a relief, I think I just successfully convinced myself something that I've been scared to feel, for now at least. We are only friends, coworkers, and that's it. Nothing more. NOTHING MORE.

Absolutely nothing more.

Okay.

Yeah.

Adrienne Belanger

姜小朵。 — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 20:49:00 GMT

Today was not my day...

First, I "fried" my headset that is worth a thousand bucks according Neil but I say he's full of shit. Anyways, I was holding a pot filled with gravy, and while I was walking with it in my hands, I gently lowered my head, and that was it, my headset dropped in the gravy and both the headset AND the battery stop functioning correctly no matter how hard I tried to wipe it out. That became the joke of the day...

Second, at the end of the day as I was counting my till, I found out that I was 7 bucks and x cents short. Plus the money I owe for the headset, I'm in big dept.

Third, I asked Adrienne for a hug because I was so upset. But she turned me down using the lamest excuse ever: I'm not a hugging kind of person. Which I doubt is true especially after seeing her hugging that fatass in the parking lot. p.s. I'm not jealous. Okay, fine, maybe just a bit.

Finally, there was the last conversation between me and Adrienne, which is the biggest stone that sank my cheerfulness completely. Me: K, I'm going home. Adrienne: K, bye. And THAT was it. The worst part is, she didn't even look at me. I left without another word. I was afraid that she was annoyed. Utterly. By me.

Conclusion: What the fuck is wrong with me? Why do I even care? But she just seems so cute and special. I love the way the way she says whatever so much, I love the way she smiles, I love the way she joked around with me, I loved that conversation we had at the parking lot yesterday before I left, I even love the way she swears. But I don't love her. How can I. I can't be ***, I just fucking can't.

But I know working at BK will be different without her. I know I'd miss her when she goes on her one-week vacation. Who's gonna make me laugh? Who's gonna call me "sweetie" or "sunshine" or "pangpang" the way she does? I hated how I acted today with her around, I was trying so hard to impress her and grab attention. I hate it when I get clingy like that. And it only happens when I... like somebody. Which I cannot say about her. I mean sure I like her as a person and my manager. But not as a woman, or a man. That's just impossible right? Then again, why did I stare at her all day long and acted like a freak? And why was I nervous just talking to her? Why do I even care? Why? Why? Why? ....

Today was not my day. Period. And fuck life.

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